Monday, September 5, 2011

First Campaigner Challenge

Here it is, the first campaigner challenge for the Platform-Building Campaign.

The challenge was to write a story that is 200 words or less beginning with "The door swung open". To make it even more challenging, the story could be exactly 200 words and end with "The door swung shut". I'm not one to pass up a good challenge so I really enjoyed writing this one. And it's 200 words exactly. Hope you enjoy reading this.

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The Kill by Angelina Rain


The door swung open and cold air assaulted her. Tears froze on her cheeks. She inhaled deeply the woody scent of pine trees and fresh snow. Her heels clicked on the wooden deck as she crossed the threshold.  

The gun slipped out of her icy fingers. It fell onto the deck. The sound made her jump and she stared at the weapon. Just minutes ago she had killed a man using it.

Looking back over her shoulder, she glanced at the lifeless body on the living room couch. She closed her eyes, forcing the memory away, yet, it replayed in her mind like a broken record. The fight. The way his fist assaulted her face over and over. The way she grabbed on to the gun and pulled the trigger. She didn’t mean to kill him. This was self defense.

Sirens screamed and blue and red lights danced behind her eyelids. She opened her eyes. Officers raced up the steps of the deck.

“Are you okay, Detective O’Malley?”

She nodded and dug her hands into the pockets of her trench coat, fingering her badge. “I’m fine,” she said as the officers ran into the house and the door swung shut.

26 comments:

  1. Lovely writing Angelina :)I was hooked from the beginning. The detective part surprised me! Great job.

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  2. Great writing. I love the twist at the end where she went from "victim" to "cop". Great job!! I'm stopping by from the campaign. I'm in the short story group with you. I'm inviting my fellow group members to do a guest post on fridays so ifyou're interested just let meknow. Looking forward to reading more of your posts during the campaign.

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  3. Hi, Angelina. Fellow Campaigner here. I volunteered as one of the judges for the first Challenge.

    Your piece has been shortlisted as one of my top 5 from my assigned group of entries and will move on to stage two in the Challenge! There will be a semi-final (stage 3) and final (stage 4).

    Congrats and nice work!!

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  4. Very nice twist, Angelina!

    With so many entrants, it'll take me a while to get through them!

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  5. Excellent short piece, loved how it wrapped up with a twist

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  6. Wow! That was unexpected. You did a great job of guiding me toward a general direction then twisting it up at the end with her being the detective.

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  7. Intriguing with a nice, edgy hook. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  8. Excellent twist at the end! Great take on the challenge Angelina :)

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  9. Love that she was a detective in the end. Good twist. ~ Nadja

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  10. Didn't expect her to be a detective. Great job!

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  11. Well done. mine is #72 and totally different.

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  12. Fantastic piece! I'm swinging by from your adult fiction group, and just wanted to wave hello. Congrats on getting short-listed!

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  13. Great twist! Tension throughout! Well done.

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  14. Great tension in this. Also didn't expect the detective bit, so nice job fitting in a twist in so few words!

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  15. Awesome! I could really feel the emotion and tension. Well written.

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  16. Great scene, great emotion and detail!

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  17. I like this. I thought she was taking care of the past by killing this man until I read the end. Nice entry!

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  18. I'm surprised she was beat up so much if she's a cop... wouldn't she have really good hand to hand combat experience/training?

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  19. Very captivating write with plot and character definition. It could be the beginning of a new novel.

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  20. You established the scene and the shooting very well, and then threw in that nice twist at the end. Surprised me!

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  21. I agree with everyone above! Nice twist. Great job! :D

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  22. Very unexpected twist. I really enjoy your writing style!

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