Monday, October 17, 2011

Don't Step in Any . . .

So I haven't written anything in a long time, and the last few times I did write something, it was always on the darker or sadder side. So when the new campaigner challenge rolled around, I decided it was time for something a little less dark.  

Okay, so my piece is a far cry from comedy, but it's not sad or depressive as anything else I've attempted lately.

The challenge was to write a 300 word or less story that's showing and not telling (something I'm not that good at) that shows the time as morning, the location as a beach, the main character that's bored, and something stinks.

So, here you go.

The blue water glistened in the sunlight and wet dew clung to her toes as she took a step toward the water. Birds chirped overhead and fish jumped in the water. “Could you hurry up?” She yawned. The taste of imaginary coffee danced through her thoughts.



“I told you to sleep in,” he said, glancing at her over his shoulder, the fishing pole steady in his grip.


No, he hadn’t told her. She covered her mouth and yawned again. Slowly, she tapped her foot. “What kind of fool goes fishing at the but crack of dawn?” she muttered under her breath. A slight breeze flew by. Small shivers of chill ran up and down her arms, she crossed them. Here she stood in her sleeping shorts, a tank top, and flip flops. The cabin’s warm bed called to her like a siren. “Why do you even fish? It’s not like you eat it.”


“It relaxes me.” He didn’t turn to look at her. “So you’ve really never gone camping before?”


“Nope.” Who in their right mind would? “I’m going back inside.” She turned and took her first step toward the cabin. Ahead, several dogs ran around as a lady walked behind them. She rolled her eyes. Dogs, erg. . . Annoying, barking, pains in the rear end.


“Okay babe, be careful not to. . .”


She took another step when her left foot landed in something slushy. Stench, like death itself, assaulted her nose.


“. . . step in any. . .”


She quickly lifted her foot and the stench rose like poison through the air. Bile formed in her throat as faint ran it’s sickly fingers down her spine.


“Dog shit,” they said in unison. This was the worst vacation ever.

32 comments:

  1. hehe, the ultimate pay back for dissing someone's fun! Well, that's the way i saw it. Well done.

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  2. Hah, that's hilarious. (Wouldn't want it to happen to me though!) Love it! Great job!! (New follower by the way!)

    (I'm entry #5)

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  3. LOL! I think I've gone on camping trips like this one!
    Mine is #25.

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  4. Haha - that was a great ending. I've never understood why people would fish for breakfast though... lol
    Great work!

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  5. Ooh not a good thing to step in before breakfast!
    Nice entry!

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  6. Eew! The way you drew out the dialogue was really effective! This is an excellent final entry! :)

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  7. LOL. Why is stepping in dog crap so funny?

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  8. lol! That was amusing. The dialogue makes the whole piece shine -excellent entry!

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  9. Oooh, with her bare foot! And I bet it was still warm.
    Ick! :)

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  10. This is a little too close to home. ROTFL

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  11. Hi Angelina! Great entry. I just wanted to let you know you've moved on to the next round of judging. I loved reading this.

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  12. That was great! Funny and real -- and I loved the phrase "the taste of imaginary coffee," I could practically taste it as well.

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  13. LOL, this cracked me up! Sounds just like my dh and me :)

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  14. The dialogue, voice and characters are fantastic. "Butt crack of dawn." Hehe. Great job. Congrats on moving onto the next round. ;)

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  15. Yucky! Great use of the tactile sense - can actually feel the squishy, mushy, smelly poo-poo! Eeew!
    (I'm no.#47)

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  16. Ha ha, not exactly cheery but.. Nice job just the same. Mine is #56

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  17. Hehehe! I bet she isn't crawling back into bed :) Well done.

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  18. funny! I like the last line, in stereo! very nice

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  19. Ooh, I hate when that happens! Nice job with the entry.

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  20. Ewww. I could almost smell that when she stepped in it. Good job.

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  21. LOL, I hate when that happens! Funny entry - loved it! I'm #65.

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  22. Hah! All, the great outdoors, hm?

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