Monday, March 5, 2012

The Slow Grip of Insanity

Don't you just love this post's title? It sounds so much better then "I'm having creepy dreams that are driving me insane" don't you think?

Speaking of dreams, they have been coming to me often, and they are all so similar. Lately, I'm been dreaming a lot about The Mistake (this is the new nickname for my ex-husband). I stopped thinking about him during the day. I haven't seen him since the week before Christmas. So why is he haunting my nights?

My mother, who is very superstitious, says that when you dream about someone, it means that person is thinking about you, or has been thinking about you lately. If that's the case, I really wish The Mistake would stop.

You see, those dreams started right after New Years. The first five or so of those dreams were very similar. In each of them, I went to see him. In one I went there to sign the divorce papers, while in another I went there to see how he's doing. There was a dream where he had a plane crash and I went to see if he's okay. And yet another where I broke into his house to steel something. In each of those dreams, he was so happy to see me, that he promised to change if only I took him back. And I did. And I felt miserable.

I would wake with that daunting feeling of regret and misery eating at me, until reality would come back and I would realize it was just a dream. A creepy dream.

But then, they started to change. I went to see him or meet up with him, but he wasn't there.

And then, the most beautiful thing happened. I would wake up knowing I dreamt of him, but I wouldn't remember the actual dream. No more haunting images from those dark and scary nights. And then, for what seemed like weeks, I stopped dreaming about him altogether. Oh happy day! Come on, sing with me. Oh, happy day!!!

Sadly, those dreamless nights were short lived and I dreamt of him again. This time, I was playing in the yard with Joey when he drove by with his friends, opened the gate, and stole my baby from me. I woke in a cold sweat, happy to see Joey sleeping next to me, wagging his tail happily.

Now I wonder, will those dreams ever leave me alone? Have you ever had dreams that haunted you?

11 comments:

  1. I'm a waste of space when it comes to dreams. I rarely have them - or remember them - and I never seem to dream about people I know.

    I hope your dreams stop, especially ones where Joey is stolen. :(

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    1. Shirley, I'm usually the same way. I used to never dream, and if I did dream, it would be something stupid like buying some eye liner or something.

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  2. I'm haunted regularly by nightmares. My ex-husband was a real winner that left me with a variety of mental issues. As for the dreams you are having, it's probably your bodies way of adjusting to the new lifestyle.

    My OPINION: You are so relieved to be over with it that, deep down, you fear that something is going to force you to deal with him/be in that situation again. Your mind is trying to cope with those fears by putting you in various scenarios. Do I still love him enough to check on him? NO, I'm just compassionate. What's the one thing he could still take from me? Joey! How did I feel when we were married? Like he was never there for me. (That's what I get from the dreams you have described.)

    Advice: Each night, before going to bed, hug Joey and tell yourself, "I'm free and safe. No one can make decisions for me anymore BUT me and I've decided I'm (insert positive statement)" Hope this helps!

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    1. I think you're right on the money. I think it is a fear that I would end up with that same situation again. I mean, it wasn't all bad, but it wasn't great either. I think he and I had like 40% good times and 60% misery.

      I can't say that he used to make decisions for me. I used to make all the decisions and just make him that that it was his idea, hehe. :-) However, I did get sick of always decided on everything. I need a man who would know how to think for himself.

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  3. It's perfectly normal. It's just your subconscious going through the stages of grief.

    One day those dreams will be all gone, hopefully because you'll find someone (or something) else to take his place.

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    1. Oh thank you! I sure hope they will be gone soon. :-)

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  4. I wonder if your subconscious is working on letting go -- and being sure that you stay let go? I had a period of time where they were bad about someone and I started falling asleep to Harry Potter (don't judge!) every night. I would actually 'wake' in my dream in Hogwarts, which was a pleasant change. It didn't work every night and when it seemed like he was in more dreams than Hogwarts was, I switched it to Lord of the Rings. Eventually, they went away but it took a few months. The more I focused on the dreams about him, the more I had them. :-(

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    1. That is a great idea! I should watch Harry Potter before going to bed. Then, if he visits me in my dreams, I could just cast a spell and turn him into a frog. That would be so great. I would wake up happy! :-)

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  5. Sounds like you're working through it all. I watched Full Metal Jousting over the weekend, so I keep dreaming about knights and jousts.

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    1. Dreaming about knights, huh? *Fans self*. I could use one of those dreams. I always did have a thing for knight in shining armor.

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  6. Here's hoping that soon you dream only happy dreams!

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