Monday, November 28, 2011

The End


After some long and careful consideration, my husband and I decided to split. It was a heartfelt decision that took place a few days before the Thanksgiving holiday. You see, what happened is he told me that he's changed, but I realized that when it comes to proving it, he hasn't. It's sad and heartbreaking that my marriage ended after such a short time.

Over the last few days I've been doing some internal thinking and soul searching. Saturday night, while packing away my pots and pans (as I'm the one to move out) I had en epiphany. A good part of this was my fault. You see, the marriage was handled wrong from the beginning. We were both head over heels in love with each other and really thought that we could make a marriage work, but we couldn't. One big problem was that he himself wasn't fully ready for marriage. He married me because I wanted marriage and he didn't want to loose me. I thought I was ready for marriage and step motherhood, but being 23 at the time, I was far from ready to be a stepmother to a pre teen. I don't think anyone is ready to be a stepmother to an unruly pre teen. Had we not gotten married, he and I would probably be together for a long, long time.

We should have done things differently the instant we tied the knot. We both should have sat down with his daughter and explained to her that we are happy with each other, but that doesn't mean he loves her any less. Maybe that would have stopped this kid from sabotaging this marriage in an attempt to make daddy all hers. 

Anyway, so there were a lot of wrongs done in this marriage and it's sad to let it go. 

Over this weekend I moved out and how I live in my own little apartment in my mom's basement. I haven't started unpacking yet as I only moved in last night, but I plan to be fully settled in with in a few weeks (given that my mother will clear out the junk from the closets and cabinets so that I could store my things). Tonight after work, I still have to go to my old home to move a few small odds and ends, and to clean the house for him. He should be coming home from the hospital sometime this week and I don't want him to walk into a mess. 

I talked to my soon to be ex-mother-in-law and she is sad to see me go. We both cried our goodbyes to each other, but then she decided that our divorce doesn't mean that she and I can't still be friends. It's cool that I don't have to loose her because she is my favorite member of his family.

Now I'm starting a new chapter of my life, living on my own. Just me and Joey (the puppy who couldn't stop whining right now). As I think back on my relationship with the man, I realize that when we were dating, we were the perfect couple. It was living together that had ruined the relationship (and only when his daughter was there). Maybe now he will be able to see her for who she is and address some of her issues like lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating, ect. He will not be able to take his anger out on me whenever she does those things.

Anyway, so this is the update on my life. What's new with all you?

PS: Ignore the formatting. I don't know if it's because I'm using a different computer, or if Blogger is just being a bitch,


  1. I'm so sorry to hear this and yet I feel it must also be a relief to get rid of that burden of uncertainty.

    It might not seem like it right now, but you've been given the gift of starting over. Grab it with both hands. It's an opportunity, not a crutch.

    PS Glad you still have Joey.

  2. I feel for you and what you have been through, yeah and those tinges that remain a while.

    A lot of couples today keep the bliss of love going, by not living together. They rather have less income -in order to keep the fire of love burning.

    Don't jump into any frying pans!

    Just think-Wonderful new beginnings!

    And forgive everyone- for your own complete healing.

  3. I know this change in your life can be hard, but I'm proud...of both of you. I have an ex husband who I looked at one day and said, "We aren't working out, are we?" He shook his head sadly. "Wanna quit before we hate each other?" He nodded. We're best friends now. Him and my husband hang out and get along great. He's become more a brother (which is what ruined the marriage) and not at all "the ex".

    I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe, further down the road, things will improve between you two. Not to marriage level again, but at least in an "I can sit here and enjoy talking to you" level?

    PS- Considering the various things the step-daughter has done, I envy your patience. I would have beat her half to death by now. Bravo!

  4. Instead of "The End", "New Beginnings" sounds like a more appropriate title for this heartfelt post.

    Glad you have made the necessary decisions.

  5. Letting go and moving on is always so hard. Hugs to you sweetie!

  6. I agree with Angela ... you have the chance to remake your life. New beginnings. Closing a door, and opening a window. Even so, it's never easy to say goodbye to someone you loved.