Priorities

Thank you all who commented on last week's post. I really appreciate all of your support. After reading all of the "leave him now" comments, I started thinking. Should I? What do I have to gain or loose by ending it? Is it fixable?

Very quickly, I realized it's in both of our best interest to end it. It wasn't just the issue of his verbal abuse when his kid is around. Sure, that was the biggest issue, it was the most damaging to all of us involved, but there were more issues. He neglected me. My needs and wishes were his last priority. If he needed love and attention, I would have to drop everything or else he got mad, but if I needed any support he was never there.

One of the things that bothered me most was how childish he had become. Before we were married, he was an adult. We did adult things together. The instant we got married he started treating me like I was his mother instead of his wife. Sex between us became extinct. Our conversations were no longer about plans for the future but instead about how no one understands him. He no longer helped me with anything, always dropping the responsibilities of adult life on me while he went out with his friends and daughter all the time.

When he would mess up, he would bring me flowers. At first, I let him buy my affection with those flowers, but then I learned that the only reason I got them was because he couldn't say "I'm sorry." Pride never let him say those words.

I told him it was over.

The first couple of days he sulked and blamed me for it. It was because I didn't love his kid enough. It was because I wanted to ruin his life. It was because I didn't want to accept it that he had a kid. It wasn't until later in the week that I finally managed to get it through his thick skull. It was never about the kid. It was about him and me. It was about him never letting me be a priority. It was about him never growing up and playing the husband role. And it was about me being tired of being a mother to two kids, neither of them being my own. Especially the kid who is older then me.

I finally explained to him that his priority list went as follows; daughter, mother, siblings, sibling's families, friends, friend's families, ex-wife, neighbors, me.

He finally seemed to understand as to why it's over. Although he does have a convenient memory and tends to forget things he doesn't want to remember.

I asked him, would he stay in a relationship where he was the other person's last priority? He said no. Now, I'm asking you, have you ever been in a relationship where you were the last priority?